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Gravity always wins
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
I’m not suffering from insanity, I’m enjoying every minute of it
Buy land, they have quit making it!
I’m not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
I avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it
WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? … Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i’LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life’s problems
When I’m good I’m very good but when I’m bad I’m better
I’m more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but milk do?
If it is tourist season, why can’t we shoot them?
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
Trying is the first step towards failure
Life’s a beach… Surf it up!
Not me, not now, maybe later…
I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.
Dream as if you’ll live forever…Live as if you’ll die
If u needs space join NASA baby!
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened
I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh,But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry
Ti’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it
God created men first, cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!
DONT wish UPON A STAR REACH FOR ONE
Would you catch me if i fall.do you even notice me…at all?
Do u believe in love at first site? or should i walk by again? Or should I bite?
Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back
Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each one with a reason why I love you I was doing great, but then I ran out of stars
whats betta? a lie that draws a smile or the truth that draws a tear?
To the world your just one person but to one person you could mean the world
YOU laugh because i m different i laugh because you’re all the same. ! hehehe
When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Last night I was looking at the stars and I was wondering where the heck is my ceiling!
It’s not the size of the dog, It’s the size of the fight in the dog!
There’s a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it’s not a train.
Well if I called the wrong numba, whyd you answer ?
Never start frowning because you never know who’s falling in love with your smile
§omewhere There’§ §omeone Who Dream§ Of Your §mile, And Find§ In Your Pre§ence That Life I§ Worth While, §o When You Are Lonely, Remember It’s True: §omebody, §omewhere Is Thinking Of You
A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey’s monkey!
If you’re going my way, I’ll walk with you.
I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I’ve yet to figure out why
Alcohol releases the inner retard in all of us…
‘Pessimist’ is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is
I’m looking forward to regretting this
The road to success is always under construction
Those who know do not say, those who say do not know
You must master your joystick, as a fisherman masters bait
Marriage is not like war: You sleep with the enemy
Bad Spellers Untie!
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
I’m better than normal, I’m abnormal!
Marriage is not like war: You sleep with the enemy
Harrasing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can’t remember
If you hate me, i love you too. It ain’t my fault i’m better than you.
Quitting smoking is easy, I’ve done it a hundred times.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
By the time you read this, you’ve already read it.